Go Giants!

I miss writing. I think about coming here often, but there never seems to be time.....or, if there is time, I'm too wiped out to think straight. Work is fine. Actually, it's a bit brutal right now, but I'm surviving. The kids are good. All normal stuff. Roman woke up at 4 in the morning the night before last crying and barking like a seal. He's been home sick the last couple of days. Jesse just got home from his orthodontist appointment, bursting at the seems with energy......and of course, starving. Kyla got home from school about an hour ago. She's going to Santa Barbara City College this semester. She just left for her part time job downtown. John and I just celebrated our anniversary last night. We went to a baseball game with some very good friends. AWESOME seats, Sam! We sat directly behind home base. I had never been so close! As many of you might remember, I was diagnosed with cancer last October. While all the yuck was happening, my favorite team, the Giants, kept winning. Those playoff games, and the World Series got me through one of the toughest months of my life. Anyway, the Giants won last night........AND, I got to see Brian Wilson - The Beard, pitch the last inning from The Stadium Club while sipping on a cosmopolitan.

On other fronts, I'm still on the Ondulando Club Board facing a tough re-election campaign this November (sarcasm). Seriously, I think I'll do another year or two, if they'll have me. I was also approached to co-chair Poinsettia Elementary's Carenetwork. We help Poinsettia families in need and I got the opportunity to organize meals for a family in need just today. When I was asked about this, I was a little worried about being spread too thin, but this was too close to my heart to say no. I was also asked if I would be interested in being involved in the Gold Dust Gala this next spring. This is an annual fundraiser that funds the Healthy Women's Program here in Ventura. They provide breast and cervical cancer screening, as well as treatment, for local women. This program helped me with my diagnosis, as well as surgery. I'm so grateful that a program like this exists in our community and I want to do my part to make sure this service continues to exist.

Health, hmmmmm. Things are ok. I'm getting some of my energy back. My hair is growing, although, the gray coming in got to a tipping point when I was asked if I qualified for the senior network discount. Thanks to Celeste, I now have brown hair again! I got a call this week to let me know my oophorectomy was approved. They wanted to schedule the surgery for the middle of October, but I'm not quite ready.....so I asked them to find me a date in November. I haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure I will. I still have follow up appointments multiple times each week. Sometimes I get irritated by all of it and cancel everything. I've had to start wearing a compression sleeve for swelling in my arm. It's called lymphoedema. Since so many of my nodes were removed, and the rest got radiated, Hiroshima style, fluid builds up in the arm and chest area and needs help moving on. I've also had to see a lymphoedema therapist. Tamoxifin is going ok. It seems to be intensifying those dreaded menopause symptoms. Oh well, what's a hot flash here and there between friends, right?

Ok, can't make Jesse wait any longer for dinner, he's starting to melt down. Just a reminder.......enjoy the moment you have right now!

I Lava You!

So, tonight it was just Romie and I. The kids were all off doing their thing and John went to play poker. Roman really wanted some nachos so him and I went over to Sharky's. I really like that they use fresh, organic whenever possible, although, I doubt Roman's chips were organic... Whateva! Anyway, Roman always has a TON of questions about everything under the sun. I had answered quite a few of his thoughtful questions when he asked me, "Is love real?" I thought about it for a nano second and then answered him that, of course it's real and gave him a few examples. He listened and then he said, "Mom, I said LAVA!" And that's my tender, mother son story.
I haven't been writing as much. I've decided that real estate sucks all the creative energy out of me leaving me to become one with the sofa while watching HGTV makeovers and wishing I had the energy to vacuum the floor, let alone paint the walls! I haven't been cooking as much either, as evidenced by the Sharky's run tonight. Cooking is another creative outlet that has fallen victim to short appraisals and long request for repair lists. Gardening. I dig dirt. I haven't been out to the garden in at least a couple of months.
So, in my quest to shake the Etcha Sketch, I've got to find a better balance so I can enjoy some of the things that make me feel good. I'm working on it. I've got some ideas, they are just taking some time to implement. On the subject of ideas, quite a few of you have heard about my goal to own a bait shop in Montana (how much stress can there be in selling worms to fisherman - really!). Anyway, I've decided that I don't really like worms and I'm a morning person, but I'd have to get up even earlier than I like. So, now my goal is to become Camp Host. Whatcha think 'bout that?!
Thank you to everyone that continues to show me the LAVA! Just this past week I ran into a friend when I stopped off to pick up a few things for the boys to start school. She was paying ahead of me with a gift card and didn't use the whole thing. She told the cashier to put the remainder of it on my tab. She knows who she is and that made my day. I opened a letter the other day and there was a check from one of my fellow agents in town with a note saying, "You're getting stronger!" It made me cry.....in a good way. What an incredibly nice thing to do without being asked. I am so lucky. I'm lucky to have so many wonderful, caring friends and family. Mostly, I'm lucky that I was in a position to discover how many wonderful people I'm surrounded by. Life is so busy every day that we don't always take the time to tell those around us how much their LAVA'd!!

Shake It Up Baby!

Ever feel like shaking the Etch A Sketch really hard? I've used this metaphor before to describe my nonexistent memory on so many matters, but I'm using it a little different right now. I attended a going away party at the Ondulando Club this afternoon for Mary, a long standing board member. She and her family are moving to a little town with 7000 people in another state. I think I might be a little envious. Don't get me wrong, I love my community, particularly the wonderful friends I have here. I'm overwhelmed with emotion when I think of how many wonderful friends I've made. But, the life we have here takes so much out of us. I won't beat around the bush - it costs too darn much! I feel like I've fallen victim to living to work and that's not how it should be. We should be working to live. I've always worked hard and I'm sure I will continue to work hard because its such a big part of who I am. But there's so much more and I find myself too tired at the end of a hectic work day to enjoy much of anything. Let alone that one day a week when I'm not working, but there's so many things that I couldn't do during the week that I cram them all in so I can get back to working my butt off the next day. Incredibly, the butt doesn't get small....weird phenomenon, but I'm getting off track here. Inevitably, our ultra connected life bites us in that same over worked butt if we take an afternoon away from cell phones and email to enjoy ourselves. When we return there's some emergency that you missed and now you feel like a pile of dog doodies that you didn't answer your phone or check your email. Yikes!
Am I ignoring a big life lesson by returning to the same life I had before I got sick?
If you're reading this, you are a big part of why I feel this way. For the first time in my life, I let go and let you, and family, and friends take care of me and my family. You taught me a big lesson. I never thought anyone could do better than I could, but you did a really, really good job. So, I'm left thinking that maybe I'm ignoring the lesson. I've always been an over achiever in the classroom, but it feels like I'm answering the questions to the wrong test. Do I have the courage to sit down and answer the questions to the right test? Do I need to grow some? Will I let this opportunity pass me by.....will I let my children see this lesson? Or will they have to learn the hard way too?
So, I'll be picking up a bottle of Tamoxifen and popping pills in the next day or two. I'm hoping that the side effects are gentle on me. I really don't have time in this life I've made for myself to deal with insomnia, bloating, achy joints, uterine cancer, stroke, cataracts, or blood clots.
I will also be heading in for a bone scan in about a week, as well as scheduling an oophorectomy. We'll use oophorectomy as the word of the day and I'll let you Google that one. Anyway, I'll be getting this oophorectomy so I can go off the Tamoxifen and on to a different class of drugs called Aromatase Inhibitors. Studies show they are giving better outcomes for disease free survival. Boy that was a sentence I never thought I'd utter!
I made some salsa for the party this afternoon and a few people asked for the recipe. I learned how to make salsa years ago. Thank you Anna. I've modified it just a little. Anna likes her salsa just a bit spicier than I do! So, here goes.
In a food processor (I use a small one) put 1/2 of a medium onion, 1 carrot (old fashion long carrot....if you use the the babies, you'll need more), 1-2 jalapenos - seeds removed. Pulse the processor to chop everything up, then add a big handful of fresh cilantro and a can of organic tomatoes. Pulse again to finish chopping it up and salt to taste.
I keep a big jar of jalapenos in the fridge so I don't have to go to the store every time I want to make salsa, but fresh works great too. The carrot adds a little crunch and a little sweetness to the salsa.
Happy Sunday everyone!

You Talkin' Ta Me?

I'm too exhausted to get off the couch right now, so thank goodness for portable devices. So.....

chemo, check
surgery, check
more chemo, double check
radiation, check!!!!!!!

Yup, radiation is done, dangit! I've still got some treatment hurdles to go, but I'm done with the big guns!

These past 9 months have been a marathon. I wanted to give up and walk away more times than I can admit. But, the promise of more days to hang out with my family and party with my friends kept me going back for more. Thank you for helping me through this......and, yes, I'm talkin' ta you!

It Could Happen to You

I was reading on my iPad this morning, as I do every morning with a cup of coffee. I came across this speech in a blog and it struck a nerve and I thought I'd share it with you

Robert A. Heinlein wrote these words in 1952 and delivered them to a national radio audience.

"I am not going to talk about religious beliefs, but about matters so obvious that it has gone out of style to mention them."

"I believe in my neighbors."

"I know their faults and I know that their virtues far outweigh their faults. Take Father Michael down our road a piece --I'm not of his creed, but I know the goodness and charity and lovingkindness that shine in his daily actions. I believe in Father Mike; if I'm in trouble, I'll go to him. My next-door neighbor is a veterinary doctor. Doc will get out of bed after a hard day to help a stray cat. No fee -- no prospect of a fee. I believe in Doc."

"I believe in my townspeople. You can knock on any door in our town say, 'I'm hungry,' and you will be fed. Our town is no exception; I've found the same ready charity everywhere. For the one who says, 'To heck with you -- I got mine,' there are a hundred, a thousand, who will say, 'Sure, pal, sit down.'
"I know that, despite all warnings against hitchhikers, I can step to the highway, thumb for a ride and in a few minutes a car or a truck will stop and someone will say, 'Climb in, Mac. How how far you going?'
"I believe in my fellow citizens. Our headlines are splashed with crime, yet for every criminal there are 10,000 honest decent kindly men. If it were not so, no child would live to grow up, business could not go on from day to day. Decency is not news; it is buried in the obituaries --but it is a force stronger than crime."
"I believe in the patient gallantry of nurses...in the tedious sacrifices of teachers. I believe in the unseen and unending fight against desperate odds that goes on quietly in almost every home in the land."
"I believe in the honest craft of workmen. Take a look around you. There never were enough bosses to check up on all that work. From Independence Hall to the Grand Coulee Dam, these things were built level and square by craftsmen who were honest in their bones."
"I believe that almost all politicians are honest. For every bribed alderman there are hundreds of politicians, low paid or not paid at all, doing their level best without thanks or glory to make our system work. If this were not true, we would never have gotten past the thirteen colonies."
"I believe in Rodger Young. You and I are free today because of endless unnamed heroes from Valley Forge to the Yalu River."
"I believe in -- I am proud to belong to -- the United States. Despite shortcomings, from lynchings to bad faith in high places, our nation has had the most decent and kindly internal practices and foreign policies to be found anywhere in history."
"And finally, I believe in my whole race. Yellow, white, black, red, brown --in the honesty, courage, intelligence, durability....and goodness.....of the overwhelming majority of my brothers and sisters everywhere on this planet. I am proud to be a human being. I believe that we have come this far by the skin of our teeth, that we always make it just by the skin of our teeth --but that we will always make it....survive....endure. I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency."
"This I believe with all my heart."


I made the boys an omelet, and as I was eating mine. I turned on the tv and started surfing and settled on an old movie from the '90's (yes, movies from the 90's are old now). It's called It Could Happen to You. Nick Cage and Bridget Fonda star and they play a cop and a waitress. Cage's character doesn't have enough money for a tip and promises Fonda's character that if he wins the lottery he'll split it with her......and he wins. Cage's wife leaves him when she finds out about the waitress and sues him for all of the winnings. The media is only after a sensational story and doesn't see the the true character of the people involved. One reporter finally writes the real story and the people of New York respond by sending money to help the cop and waitress back on their feet. The story has been done before.....It's a Wonderful Life, but it's still a nice story.
I will be finishing with my radiation treatments this next week. Thank you to my wonderful family, friends, and community for helping me through the past 9 months......I find myself knowing It Could Happen to Me and it really Is a Wonderful Life.

Hopeful

I've been busy the last couple of weeks! I've been concentrating on getting business moving again and it's surely keeping me busy. I've been doing very good at keeping myself away from the negative news, for the most part. Of course, this morning I turned on the national news for about 5 minutes and it got my wheels turning (wheels turning might not be exactly what it did, but we'll go with that). On the good side, it looks like the shuttle launch might actually happen. There's something about the space program that brings out the patriotism in most of us. Then, that news was followed by our President talking about unemployment ticking up again. There are so many hard working people out there hurting right now, wondering how they will be able to put food in their pantries and have a roof over their heads. Americans aren't worried about the luxuries right now. So many are resolved to just have the basics. Our President is effective in relaying the feelings of so many Americans in his speeches, and I really think he cares. But talking about the millions of unemployed construction workers and how to best put them back to work really gets me going. He is proposing putting them back to work on infrastructure. In other words, more government payroll. Aren't we broke? Wouldn't it be better to address the millions of illegals working in the construction industry taking jobs from Americans? Wouldn't addressing the housing problem lead to more private sector construction? I don't have the answers, but continuing to go in this direction has not lead us out of the biggest downturn most of us have experienced in our lifetime. I know we all have different political views, and that's what makes our nation so great, but continuing to stay quiet just to be politically correct isn't working for any of us. I'm hoping that some very smart men and women are having a brain storming session right now, throwing out ideas, thinking outside the box, about how best to address this economy.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now, whatever a soapbox is. I started back on radiation on Tuesday after 12 days off. I starting feeling much better last Friday and had a great holiday weekend. We went to Big Bear Lake and stayed with our friends Steve and Cindy in their new vacation home. We had a great time, thank you VW's! Well, except for the ride up and the ride back. We took the hybrid to save on gas and that meant 3 boys in the back seat. They were in rare (irritating) form and the 50 year old boy in the front thought it was too much fun and joined in. I'm hitching a ride from someone else next time!
My new friend Cassandra asked for my quiche recipe and I really never had one. I like to color outside the lines and following an exact recipe is VERY hard for me. That's probably why I would never be a good master baker ;-) Ok, here it is:

Hopeful Quiche
Ingredients 2 Frozen Deep Dish Pie Crust
1 lb Bacon cut into small pieces
7 Large Eggs
2 Cups Half and Half
1/2 teaspoon sea salt (regular is fine if that's what you have)
1/2 teaspoon ground white pepper (black is fine too)
Pinch crushed red pepper
1 1/2 cup grated Gruyere (or whatever kind of cheese you like)
1/2 large onion diced in small pieces
2 big handfuls of fresh spinach cut in small pieces (frozen is fine)


Directions
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Slit the bottom of the pie crusts with a knife (4-5 times) and bake for about 10 minutes till lightly brown. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack. Leave the oven on.

In a medium skillet, cook the bacon until crisp and the fat is rendered. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.

In a skillet with a little olive oil, cook the onions on medium heat until tender. Add the spinach and cook for about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

Arrange the bacon evenly over the bottom of the baked crust.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs and half and half. Add the remaining ingredients, including cooled onion, spinach, and cheese and whisk to combine. Pour into the prepared crust and bake until the custard is golden, puffed, and set yet still slightly wiggly in the center, 30 to 35 minutes.

Remove from the oven and let cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes before serving. (I don't know why I put this here...we never wait).
EAT!

Happy 4th of July!

It's almost like mother nature knows it's 4th of July weekend. It's gorgeous outside right now. Lynn and I went for a walk down at the beach around 7:30 this morning and no fog, not a cloud in site! The water was glassy and it was so beautiful I almost cried. I love this holiday. It just reminds me of carefree summertime, you know, back when school was out and you didn't have a worrie in the world? I also love all the flag waving and community events. The pier has flags waving all the way to the end, so cool. Then you get to top it off with friends, bbq's, and fireworks! I still ooooh and awe at the fireworks and I know this makes me a nerd, but I love the music too....Sousa's Stars and Strips Forever and the good ole Star Spangled Banner....makes me smile!
So, you can probably tell that I got a little better sleep last night. The night before I decided to try to sleep without help from a pain reliever and it didn't work too well. I woke up about 10 times during the night. Very uncomfortable. Made for a bit of grouchy day yesterday. So, last night, I was dog tired (I have 3 dogs snoring at my feet right now) and decided I needed one of those V pills. Worked like a charm and I slept till about 5:30 this morning. The really raw area is starting to heal a bit and other areas are crusting pretty bad. The constant pain is subsiding a bit and now it's just when I move certain ways. All very good news. Oh yeah, I forgot to share that I haven't had radiation all week. When I went in on Wednesday, the doc looked and said no way, need to heal more. So, I'm going back Tuesday and will probably finish the boosts then. I think I have 6-7 more to go.
I'm off. Need to get over to the city to pull some copies of permits on a house. Tomorrow is Jesse's 15th birthday. He's requested some of mamma's homemade mac and cheese so I need to pick up a few things at the grocery store too.
Remember to look around, there are so many beautiful things to see. And remember to enjoy every minute. Have a wonderful 4th everyone!

May I Have Another?

Time for an update, right? It's been a while, I know. I've been busy trying to get my real estate business back on track and it's taking a TON of energy. There are a bunch of things running through my head pertaining to the current state of our economy, but my sarcastic ways would just be too much. So, instead, I'll focus those thoughts on an update about my personal Chernobal disaster. I've been asked alot lately about how it feels and how I'm doing. I've also had some refer to it as a really bad sunburn. My thoughts on the sunburn theory are "Not so much, unless you are habitating on the sun". Instead, I liken it to having someone pour gasoline on me and then light me on fire. Of course, directly after this, the gasoline toting fire dudette asks me if she can do it again. Being the brainiac I am, I answer, "of course, what time would you like me to be there?".
Anyway, after taking a break from radiation on Thursday and Friday of last week, I went in for a check on Monday. I didn't even have to persuade the doc to give me a break this time. He wrapped it for me and told me to go take a couple more days off. So, today I go back in. I can't imagine taking anymore radiation, but what the heck do I know. The skin is completely gone in a hand size area. It needs air, but if I don't keep it covered, my clothes stick to the area. I've had to use pain killers to sleep at night. I know this will be over soon, but it's not soon enough for me. As 3pm approaches today, I know my anxiety level will be increasing too. I think I'm definitely ready to accept the consequences of not finishing these last 6-7 boosts..........

Hittin' a Wall

Hittin' a wall today.....a big red, raw, blisterry wall! I am tired, and as much as I try to ignore it, it hurts. I passed my radiation oncologist on my way in today and told him I needed to see him before I went into the frydaddy. After looking at it he offered a long weekend of soaks and burn cream. So, I came home to my recliner this afternoon and I haven't moved since......so tired. Its 7:30 and the kids are just now eating. I've been doing most of the cooking lately, but this last week I am totally running out of gas way before I get to the kitchen. I think the walking in the morning and working the rest of the day is tanking me. I also had an appointment yesterday and my blood counts are getting really low again.

John is taking over....he's just a bit late in his delivery.....sitting here in my recliner waiting for someone to feed me takes alot of energy!

TGIF!

I arrived for my daily session right on time, as usual. And, as usual, I had something sarcastic to add as I walked into the radiation room. For some reason, she took my "crispy fried chicken" comment seriously today and went to get the doc after looking at the area. A few minutes later the doc came strolling in with what looked like a ukulele around his neck. Maybe not a ukulele, but I can't think of the name of that other small guitar. It was on the tip of my tongue.....I tried googling, but I still can't come up with the name. Dang chemo brain still plagues me! As he strummed, he looked at the area and then looked at the tech and said, "looks good". Not sure what she said at that point, but I decided to chime in with "no more bolus, right?". I guess he agreed, because he looked back at her and said, "no more bolus". She smiled and said, "that's why I came to get you." So, a little good news for this Friday........no more bolus, dangit!
So, now that I've told you that story, it occurred to me that you might not have any idea what I'm talking about. What the heck is a bolus? And, why can I remember the name of this stupid matt that is burning the crap out of me and not that little guitar thingy?

Bolus, a flabby, rubbery material, is used to 'fool' the radiation beam so it will deposit the maximum dose on the skin surface instead of a fraction of an inch deeper, as it would otherwise. Therefore, a skin reaction is almost inevitable in this scenario.

Ok, now you can find new ways to add your new vocabulary word into conversation. And, on that note, I think I'll sign off and go enjoy the current feeling of being able to fry an egg on my head!

Tawnilicious!

Our Miss Tawnni is graduating from high school tomorrow. We are so proud of her and looking forward to seeing her get that diploma! We wish her lot's of love, happiness, and a little success thrown in there, just to make it all a little easier. So, in case you are keeping score, that will be 2 in college, one in high school, one in middle school, and one going in to the second grade (and the 4 lazy, hairy ones that lay around the house all day)!
I've been cooking all morning so that we don't have to eat junk food on our trip and so Kyla and Jesse will have something easy to make while we are at the graduation. I made 2 lasagnas and 2 quiches (is quiche already plural?) and I've got beans and spanish rice to make chalupas tonight. Ran out of cheese, though, so need to stop by the store on the way back from my beloved rads.
Now, I must go.....gotta give myself a quick pedicure so Tawnni's friends don't think she invited her back woods grandpa to the graduation! Oh yeah, forgot to mention the good news from yesterday......baby eyelashes!!!!

Hot Dogs and Apple Pie

I'm headed out for number 20 in just a bit. Lot's of color, but no skin break down yet, just the little purple blisters under the skin. I used to tan really easy when I was a kid, so I'm hoping my skin holds up well to all this. They are still using a bolus every day, which is meant to intensify the dose to the skin, so I'm guessing I won't get out of this in my current state. Although, I'm still completely numb under my arm so if that's where the skin decides to break down, I won't be able to feel it. Just trying to think positive here.....

Feeling better today. It was a cold virus I was getting on Friday. Still stuffy, but not as sluggish and achy. Could be that I've been away from the radiation for a couple of days, though.

Did you see the latest news? It was Weiner's weiner. I'm sooooo shocked! Deja vu struck me in a "I did not have sex with that woman" kinda way. It's time to rev up election headquarters Sam!

Dorkomatics!

I've been playing Immunity Roulette for the past month or so and it finally caught up to me. I was feeling so good, and had sooooo much to do that I must have forgotten to refill my hand sanitizer. Or maybe I should have been wearing a mask......because I love looking like a freak! On a freak note, have you ever felt like someone was staring at you, but when you look at them, they look away. Happens alot these days. Must be my smile because I don't usually go out in public in my Hooters tshirt ;-)

Anyway, had a low grade fever yesterday, along with alot of aches. Doc thinks it just a virus because my immune system is still a bit compromised. My white blood counts were still low last week and doc thinks it's a combination of the bone marrow not recovering yet from the chemo and from the radiation to my chest area compromising it.

So, with the tan turning to a distinct rosy color and whatever this irritating virus is, I'm back to shuffling. Not quite to my 90 yr old chemo self, but I think I could pass for 72 easily if you witnessed me trying to get out of my recliner! I'm hoping it's temporary, cause I'm kinda partial to picking up my feet when I walk. Yesterday, John and I went to Roman's school picnic. We got there a few minutes early and alot of the parents were waiting outside the classroom. I got that distinct feeling that everyone was staring at the little old bald man shuffling by (me). Once I sat down, I was overcome with emotion.....not sure what it was, but I think it had to do with being soooooo sick of being sick and wanting to be out and about mixing it up like I always have without people feeling sorry for me. Anyway, the feeling passed quickly and then the kids came out to have their picnic with the parents. Romie came out with that big goofy smile of his and everything was all good again. Well, almost everything. I am usually up early and make sure Romie is dressed and has a good breakfast and I pack his lunch. I was feeling yuck that morning, and I didn't pack his lunch because I knew we were going to have lunch with him. So, John had gotten him some breakfast and walked him to the bus stop. Anyway, Roman was wearing his shirt backwards and his pants were just about falling down because he didn't have a belt on.......We had a nice little chuckle that I'm going to need to stick around to make sure the two of them don't go out in public looking like dorks every day. I'm good with that!

Nuclear Disaster?

Soooooo, after my radiation treatment yesterday I saw my radiation oncologist. He looked at the area that seems to be blistering and called for the nurse to come in. He must have decided he didn't see it too well, so he took out his glasses and looked again - kinda made me a little nervous. He then told me he wanted to see me again tomorrow to check it because he was pretty sure it was from the treatments, but he wanted to make sure it wasn't shingles. Nice. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's not shingles, but whateva! After the last 7-8 months of torture, shingles doesn't scare me. The nurse then gave me a handful of packets and an instruction sheet and told me I needed to do compresses 2-3 times a day. Ok, I can handle that, thanks. So, last night, after catnapping off and on for far too long, I poured one of the packets in a measuring cup and put the right amount of water in and sat down to use my compress. My handy dandy tablet was sitting on the table next to my chair so I decided to ask Dr. Google a quick question. Just wanted to know what was in this little packet that seemed very generic. All the other packets had colorful brand names, so this black and white one seemed very "government issue" to me. Anyway, I typed in Aluminum Sulfate Tetradecahydrate Calcium Acetate Monohydrate and then clicked on one of the sites. Up pops the pic that I posted here. As I was sitting there with the compress solution on me, I decided I didn't want to know much more about why a company that makes a pill to protect you from a nuclear disaster is advertising on a site that explains what the solution in my compress is. 'Nuff said!

So, today is number 17 and that should put me at about the halfway point. I asked the doc again yesterday how many total and both docs have been a bit vague when they answer this. He told me 28 regular and 6-7 boost, but didn't seem too clear on the boost part. Kinda feels like I'm taking a survey when I ask this question. They have been taking xrays once a week since I started and I meant to ask what they do with these, but I forgot. I will have to try to remember to ask him that today. I know, I should write it down, everyone tells me that. Then I forget to bring the list I wrote down......and so goes my days! Will she remember? Or, won't she?

15 Down!

15 down.....quite a few more to go. Definitely seeing some pink, and there's a blistering area under my arm already. I went to see my Onc last week and my white counts are starting to fall, so I've got to start being a little more careful about not getting sick. I get tired, but over all I'm still feeling pretty good. Just hoping that will last a little longer so I can feel good for Tawnni's graduation. On that note, I think it's time for a little cat nap!

Green Envy!

I'm still feeling good! I'm headed out for number 11 in a bit and just a bit of a tan in the area they are radiating. I'm sure that will change, but for now.....all is good.

We went to Laughlin for a couple of days, thanks to our wonderful friends Lynn and Sam. We hung out at the river this time because their boat decided to quit. Everyone got to do a little jet skiing and Sam barbecued. It was nice to get away finally. I hadn't been away from the house overnight for about 9 months.....well, except for that 2 night stay at the hospital, but I'm not calling that a vacation.

Since I started feeling better, I've been trying to go out in the yard at least a few times a week to de-hillbillie the house. Of course, John has had to do some of the heavy stuff, but it's starting to pay off. My grass is green and starting to fill in. Large, shrub-like weeds are being eliminated. The fort/swing that the kids have grown out of is gone - sold it on craigslist. I think I had 25 people email me about that fort. Gotta love craigslist for that kind of stuff. John has to go clear weeds on the hillside this week for the fire clearance. I think he's really looking forward to that ;-)

Well, gotta go check on a couple of short sales, then I'm off to the art gallery (cancer center)!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..........

6 down, 29 to go! I'm in my second week of radiation and I'm already sooooo fatigued. I go in at 3 each afternoon for radiation and I do fine until then (I keep wanting to spell radiation with an extra I RAIDiation - you know, the stuff you use to kill bugs?). But, afterwards, it's like I had been at the beach in the scorching sun for 5 hours.....I get so tired. I scheduled the appointment late in the day on purpose so I'd have plenty of time in the morning and early afternoon to get work done. By the way, do you know anyone that's been looking for a bald realtor? I know one that's eager to work!

I've been going to bed around 7 alot lately. So, it's getting late.....nighty - night!

GRRRRR!

Good Morning! I haven't posted for a while because I've been so darn grouchy. I think starting radiation treatments made me feel a bit anxious and out of control. For a self-admitted control freak this whole cancer thing has been challenging, to say the least. At times, I've wanted to throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming in full on toddler tantrum mode! Nice mental picture, eh?

So, I went in Monday and they told me it was a "dry run". The technician used my neck as his personal etch-a-sketch. He actually used 2 different colored Sharpies and drew all over me. Of course, my it's luck that one of them was a red sharpie. The kids thought I was bleeding from my neck when I got home. It occurred to me that Sharpies, being permanent ink, must have some really great chemicals in them. Can't the medical field come up with anything better to "tag" their patients with? This is about the 4th time I've had a doctor draw all over me with a Sharpie. Did I mention that I had my surgeon's initials on each side of my chest for about a month? That was right before surgery, and I wasn't into scrubbing that area for quite a while, so the ink lasted a long time. Fun times!Yesterday I had the first treatment of my daily treatments through the end of June. Pretty uneventful, nothing to report.

While I was sitting here writing this, the phone keeps ringing. An Ondulando pool call, 2 real estate calls, mom, Janis, and the doctor's office just called to let me know my BRCA results are in. Negative. That's good news for Kyla and my someday grandkids. My cancer could still be genetic, but it's not one of the genes scientists have identified so far.

On another note, I'll be walking the Survivor Lap at the local Relay for Life this Saturday. Thank you to those who donated. Special thanks to Lynn at Boku Superfoods for pushing me over my goal!

Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy theorists are having a field day with this one. A decision has been made not to release photos, they are just too graphic. There's a rumor swirling that all this is a big cover up. But, I can assure you, I was not one of the Navy Seals that took down Osama Bin Laden (Usama Bin Laden for you nutty Fox watchers). So, if you've seen me lately......please accept that my current hair style has nothing to do with joining the Navy....it's just starting to grow back!

On another related note, I got this huge survey in the mail called the American Community Survey. It asks a ton of personal information about the dwellers in our household. Here's some of the questions:

First and Last name, age, date of birth
Annual costs for utilities, insurance, and real estate taxes
Married, divorced, widowed, never married
How MANY times married and the year last married
What location did this person work LAST WEEK
What TIME does this person leave for work
For whom does this person work
Income in the past 12 months
Self-employment income in past 12 months
Interest, dividends, rental income, etc in past 12 months

Check out this question: Because of physical, mental, or emotional condition, does this person have serious difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions?

Did I mention that on the cover it says that all questions are required to be answered, by law? WTH? Why does my government need to know how many times I've been married? At first, I thought this was a hoax and someone with bad intentions was collecting information to use it in evil ways. But, it seems that it's for real. The evil doer is our government. Check out the website at http://www.census.gov/acs/www/
I don't think our government should be collecting information like this about me. There's a ton more things I think our government shouldn't be doing, but I'm feeling pretty strong about this one. So, call me a conspiracy theorist if you must, but that survey is currently in the round file.

So, I'm thinking....if it's required that I answer these questions, by law, what do you think they will do to me when they find out I chucked it in the trash and then wrote about it on the internet? Think it might be worse than cancer? Might get me out of a few radiation treatments......

Totally Rad!

It's been awhile. I've really been feeling pretty good this past couple of weeks......and I've really enjoyed it. I'm getting back to working, and I've been able to do some things that I enjoy too, like gardening, cooking, and seeing friends. Maybe that's why I burst into tears after I hung up the phone with the radiation nurse. She called to tell me they are ready for me to start and gave me a choice of Monday or Tuesday. I knew it was coming, but I guess I'm taking that live for the moment a bit too far right now. I'm so ready to be done with this cancer thing!

I also went for a follow up appointment regarding reconstruction. I'm being told that implants are not an option for me because of the radiation. The skin will get damaged and may not hold the implant. The alternative is a flap reconstruction that uses fat from another part of the body to reconstruct and I know I have plenty of that to spare...BUT, I like it where it is and don't really feel like swapping my full grown belly pooch for sweater puppies! That said, I think I'm going to look for a second opinion on this one.

On that note, I've got some work to get done on a couple of short sales. Did I mention how much I LUV short sales?

Thigh Highs

After I got some real estate work done this morning I decided it was time to do something about the Beverly Hillbillies scene out front. I'm sure the neighbors wonder if I think those thigh high weeds are exotic shrubs (and you thought I was going to talk about the other kind of thigh highs, huh?). All that ivy out there was getting pretty creepy and out of control too. Anyway, John did all the hefty work. I dead headed the rose bushes, and at one point tried to cut back some of the overgrown bushes when John took the clippers away from me because I was breathing so heavy.....must have been the thigh highs! It looks a little better, but we stopped when the yard waste barrel was full. Will have to wait till next week to do a little more, whew!

I called the radiation oncologist office today to see if I had a schedule yet and they informed me that the doctor doesn't want me to start radiation until a full month has passed since I finished chemo. I didn't argue. I won't be starting until about the 11th of May. Sounds like a plan!

Gratitude

I'm a bit of a sleepy head right now, but I didn't want to let this day pass without thanking everyone that helped plan, and those that attended the Comedy Show last night. Everything you have done to help me and my family is sooooo appreciated! You guys sure are having a lot of fun without me......count me in on the next party, dangit!

Here's a link to a video that was made just for this event and just in case you haven't seen it yet, Click Here.

Dog and Butterfly

For the last few days Hazel has been going out in the backyard to chase a butterfly shadow. She doesn't actually chase the butterfly, but the shadow it makes on the patio. It's a Monarch and it seems to know it's sending her in circles because it goes on for a while. So cute!

Trying to get back in to working more over the past week or so. Janis and I took a new listing last week. Working on a couple of buyers, as well as a short sale. It always take a couple of months or more to get things going in this business, so I'm trying to do as much as I can now.....summer will be here very soon!

Stephanie Wall is a friend from the real estate industry here in Ventura and she's heavy on my mind today. She was also diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and is currently going through treatment. She just had her 3rd chemo and it's been really tough on her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I am so lucky to have so much support from so many wonderful friends and family. Unbelievably lucky. Thank you.

Medical Free Week!

Just finished rescheduling my appointments next week to accomplish the medical free week!

Went to an appointment with Kyla yesterday for a check up and to establish a plan going forward for her to be watched. She's on the hook for annual mammograms, and possibly ultrasounds and occassional MRI's. We will also be checking with insurance on whether we can have BRCA testing done on her too. So many things to think about and talk about with all of this. I want her to be able to make informed decisions on whether or not to even have the testing. So we are talking and I'm trying to give her as much information as possible. The last thing I want is for her to be worried about this all the time. I think she has a pretty good attitude about it all and will make good decisions based on the information she has. She's just 19, and interested in doing things that will keep her healthy for a lifetime.

On that note, I have some real estate work to get hopping on. Have a great day everyone!

Tramp Stamp

So, I was leaving the Cancer Center (you know, that really cool new building that would make a better art museum......just gotta cure cancer first) after my radiation simulation and I was behind a couple of women when one of the women turned around and said, "I just had to say hello to you, you're glowing". She was very nice and we had a little conversation about really short gray hair and a few other things. After I got in my car, I thought about what she said and how it's probably not the best compliment to tell someone leaving a radiation treatment center that their glowing..........ya know?

I got my first tatoo! Yup, I'm cool. Three little dots......so I'm not really that cool. The radiation simulation went well. I was able to get the perfect position with my surgery side. My arthritic side still wouldn't go in to position, but they were able to modify the position a bit to make it work. Should be getting a call about starting in a couple of weeks. Of course, if they forget to call me, that might be ok too!

Ok, 3 doctors appointments this week, done! I have a couple more next week that I'm thinking about rescheduling so I can have a medical free week. I'm thinking that's a really good idea so that I can start out fresh, with good attitude when daily trips to a medical facility start in May. Yup, I'm convinced......I declare next week MEDICAL FREE WEEK!

Well, I wasn't home free on the back spasms....they started up Saturday morning. But, they weren't nearly as bad as the previous round. However, the bone pain did amp up this time and Friday night was really tough. I broke down and took a vicadin which turned out to not be a great idea. I felt like a teenager after a night of too much malt liquor. I got the spins and felt like I was going to throw up. Made it through.....won't do that again. Been surviving on ibuprofen since.....helps a little, but I still ache sooooo much. Real tired too. It's hard because I'm ready to start doing all the things I need to do and I get so tired I can't finish what I start. So, I've started prioritizing 3 things I want to accomplish each day and I try to get going on them early because by the end of the day you can't peel me off the couch. I think it will get better as the next week or two goes on. But, I'm sure it will return once the radiation gets underway. Oh well.

Had an appointment with my oncologist yesterday. Just a check to make sure I hadn't mutated since the last chemo. Everything looks good.....whatever that means. Speaking of mutating, I got a little good news on that front yesterday. My insurance approved BRCA testing for me to see if I carry a mutant cancer gene. I had to swish Scope for a total of 60 seconds and spit about 4 times into a test tube. We'll have some results in the next couple of weeks. It is limited because they've only identified a couple of genes so far. I could be carrying other genetics, but the cancer geniuses haven't identified any of those genes yet. Bottom line, I better not be positive.....don't want to think that I've passed this ugly monster on to my kids and their kids.

Well, off to see The Girl From Lymphedema........still having a hard time not singing the song every time I say lymphedema. She's going to help me with my range of motion a little more. I've got an appointment with the radiation oncologist tomorrow to get the simulation done. Won't be long now.

Oh yeah, yesterday I got a call from the plastic surgeons office to let me know they had approval from my insurance to go forward with the reconstruction. Huh? When I told her I was getting ready to take a couple of months of radiation she was confused too because she said tissue expanders wouldn't work with radiation and I'd have to do it another way. Anyway.....lots of confusion on both ends of the line, so we have an appointment next week so they can tell me what my options might be if I decide to get those double d's.

I'm getting through this round ok. I woke up this morning with some pretty intense bone pain and a bit queasy, but no back spasms so far. It was the Friday morning after my Nuelasta shot the last time when the back spasms started, so maybe I'm safe this time. This whole round seems to be going a little better than the last one. I've been able to keep eating and I've been drinking a ton, as well as staying up and about......I think all that is helping to flush it out of my system.

On another front I got some good news. I had this oh crap moment a few months ago when I realized that one of my term life insurance policies would expire in about 3 years and I wouldn't be able to get a new policy because of that pesky cancer question they ask. I thought I had everything covered. After each kid was born, I took out a term policy. When Kyla and Jesse were born, I took out 10 year term policies. Of course, they expired, but I took out a new policy when they did. After Roman was born, I took out a 10 year policy too......DUH.....needed a 20 year policy! I guess I never thought there'd be any reason why I couldn't get insured again. DUH DUH DUH! Anyway, I just got off the phone with my insurance agent and he has confirmed that my policy can be converted to Universal Life.....very good news. Of course, I can't afford the premium right now, but I have time to convert it in the next year or so after I get back to work. So, hopefully, none of my friends with youngins' are making the same mistake I did. If so, fix it now!

The kids are all doing great. It's been nice to have all 5 kids home this week. We are going to color a few easter eggs tonight and maybe play a little Uno Attack after we make pizzas. I'm always amazed at how much food we go through when everyone is home. It's like there's a grocery black hole in our house.

The chemo set in around midnight last night. I was soo tired from my steriod induced all nighter the night before that I fell asleep about 8:30 in my chair. By midnight I was up with that cauldron pot bubbling feeling in my belly and stayed up till around 3:30. A little better than the 1am - 6am 'roid fest I had the night before! Oh well.....by next week it will all be behind me. I just rescheduled my radiation simulation appointment for next week. No sense going in when I feel like this.

On Monday before I went in for my chemo, my friend Sharilyn Danebrock dropped by with a wonderful gift. I had called her about a month ago after seeing a write up in Ventana Magazine about Midiqueen Handbags. I had a little birthday money to spend and really wanted this certain fabric that I saw in the magazine. Sharilyn tried to find one for me, but they had all been sold already. I settled for another bag that I like, but kept thinking about that other fabric. To my big surprise, they found a piece of the fabric that I really liked and whipped a bag as a gift for me. Thank you Midiqueen, Sharilyn, and Kristina.....I love it!

Almost made it back home without chemo today. They couldn't get an IV started, but decided to try for the 7th poke......it was a lucky one. I got stuck 8 times today......to add to the 6 times last week. My arm is feeling a wee bit sore tonight. One of the nurses came over to talk to me about having a port installed because it's getting so hard to find a good vein. I explained that this was my last infusion......not sure she believed me because she spent the next few minutes reviewing my chart to make sure it was my last infusion. They might have had a One Armed Riot on their hands if she found something to the contrary in that file! Anyway, feeling ok. The steroids leave me feeling pretty yuck, but that should be gone by tomorrow morning sometime, just in time for the chemo yuckiness to set in tomorrow night. Okie doke....planning to become one with the sofa tonight......