66% Human, Please!

Good morning. Sorry I missed posting yesterday, but is was a pretty tough day. I went to the doc to get checked and she told me she didn't need to ask me how I was feeling because my blood counts said it all. They were very low, but that was to be expected, she said. Maybe she expected me to feel that way, but I was fully expecting to be feeling 66% human a week out....boy was I wrong. Anywaay, after listing off only a fraction of the resulting carnage on my bod, many of which would be in the TMI category for a journal posting, she wrote me a bunch of prescriptions. Oh goody, more stuff to fix one thing and throw another thing outa whack. One of the prescriptions was a pretty powerful antibiotic because she didn't want this cold to go any further. As my luck would have it, my temperature started to go up yesterday afternoon. It's back to normal this morning and thank goodness. I had asked the doc if I should call if my temp went up and she said no....go straight to emergency. Yuck, hospital food on Thanksgiving? The antibiotics seemed to work almost immediately. I broke out in a sweat within an hour of taking the first one....and that usually means the fever is breaking in my book.

Romie came bursting down the hallway with the puppy running after him about an hour ago (still dark outside), "Mom, are you going to have turkey with us? It's gonna be yummy!" Of course I am!

9 Kids and Counting!

Hanging here under the covers this morning. I've got a mother of a cold and I don't want to take anything for it because the ole digestive tract hasn't returned to normal yet. No fever, so I'm good.....just achey and going through boxes of tissues. Can't seem to get those tootsies warm, either. But, mamma Kenton is coming to the rescue with some homemade chicken soup. She must have heard me whining from her perch up on the hill. For some reason soup is the only food that interests me these days.

All 9 kids are home this week (5 human offspring and 4 of the four legged variety) and it's so nice to have them all here. John planned the menu for Thursday and did the shopping yesterday. the menu sounds great.......just wish I could taste something! I hope a little taste comes
back.....this really sucks ( sorry, I've been hangin' with too many teenagers lately) for someone that likes food as much as I do. I guess I may have finally stumbled on to the only diet that I was ever
willing to try.

I hope everyone is getting ready for good times with family, friends, and food (all of my favorite things in this world) this Thanksgiving. Now I think I'll crawl back under the covers and take another snooze.

Feeling 90!

Me and the dogs are hanging here on the couch. Intense fatigue. It's nothing like I expected or have ever experienced. It's like an alien space craft came down and zapped my being. I seriously feel like I'm 90 and need one of those hoveround scooters to get around. I've been able to eat a little more, For the first few days I think I got 6 bites of food down each day. I've been able to eat a liitle closer to what a 90 year old would eat since yesterday afternoon. Still can't really taste anything, though. Overall, things are improving and I'm feeling positive that I'm this good already. Hopefully, tomorrow will be even better and I can get back to some of my normal stuff and leave this 90 year old woman in the dust!

Thanks to The Martinez family for dinner Wednesday night and my clean house. The boys loved the pizza, especially the leftovers the next day and Spring Cleaning got those bathrooms sparkling like like I never could have. Thanks to the parental unit for keeping everything going smoothly around here while John picked up Tawnni and Lucas and for taking such good care of me and the kids. And to John and the kids for just being here with me. And to my work mates that are picking up the slack for me.....Thank you!

Looking Forward to the Toxic Cloud Lifting

Still kicking.......although at the pace of a 90 year old. Looking forward to the toxic cloud lifting and returning to myself again soon. Roman is running back and forth down the hall with the puppy in tow. He got up at 4am this morning. I couldn't make it to his teacher conference yesterday, but John went and Roman's doing great.

Sick!

Pretty sick today, but wanted to let everyone know I'm hanging in there. Mom is here taking over....John is very capable.....and my wonderful friends are helping with everything else.....Love you all!

The Hangover

Good morning. I've got a hangover this morning, but the good thing about that is that I've had one before ;-). Yesterday went ok. I met with the doctor before the infusion. I think my shocker there was the extimate of 6-7 weeks of radiation everyday after the surgery. Yikes! Oh well, that's a ways off. When it was time to start the infusion, they wouldn't let John come back with me. I'm a pretty independent person, but I think this flustered me a bit. Then I got there and they were hitching me up and it hit me like a pile of bricks. I have cancer....how the hell did that happen! I was surrounded by alot of very sick people. That got me pretty choked up. But, the nice nurse got me a package of tissues and started talking about her husbands business that led to a little common political ground and I was back in business. Then a really nice older gentleman that volunteers, his name is Sandor Vandor, sat down to talk to me. While I was trying to answer him, I couldn't focus and felt like my eyes were crossing and rolling back in my head. It was the benedryl - wow! It ended up taking about 4 hours total. I was soooooo tired last night.....still am this morning. The nausea kicked in a little this morning, so I took some medication and hopefully, it will do it's job. I've got 3 appointments today.....one to get a shot that will help my blood cells recover. I'm told that comes with some pretty intense bone pain - can't wait!

One down, 5 to go!

Twas the Night Before Chemo!

 I just got back from the surgeon's office. They are all so nice and helpful there, I feel very lucky to be treated by such caring and competent people. According to Dr. Woodburn, the Tumor Board 90% confirmed that because the tumor was so big, and it's placement, that the chemo first was the best course of treatment. They also thought that even if we see shrinkage, that a mastectomy was in order, with nodes being removed. My surgery will probably be at the end of March or beginning of April. He also confirmed that I will need radiation and that would start about a month after I have surgery. So, if all goes well, I should be finished with active treatment by the end of June and with a months rest be jet skiing on Lake Mohave. John seems to think I should go with double d's for that trip.

On another note, I've got adrenaline pumping through my veins today anticipating tomorrows events. I'm so relieved to have a plan, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a little apprehension about pumping toxins through my veins.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and prayers. Please make sure you pray that I'm not cone headed or have weird markings on my bald scalp......I'm counting on you guys for this one!

Thank You, Thank You Very Much!

I received this beautiful photo last night via picture text, but I don't know who it's from.......anyone?.......anyone?.......Bueller?

I hope everyone is having an enjoyable weekend. Thank you so much to everyone that's leaving notes in the guestbook. I love reading them!

I keep falling asleep so early at night that I'm getting up way, way too early. It was 4am this morning....maybe earlier, can't remember. Anyway, Roman got up at 4:30 and by 6:30 I was watching him through the living room window run back and forth in the backyard chasing the dogs. Seriously, if I could have even a fraction of that energy!

Speaking of energy, I've been trying to get a few things organized around here in case I don't have much get up and go left after starting my chemo. Got the boys drawers organized (of course, they won't be that way tomorrow after they rifle through looking for what they need). I finished most of the laundry. Still need to match socks. Got my closet organized. Started on my office and now I have a huge mess. Seemed like a good time to take a break.....

John just got back from a race he ran this morning in Calabasas (nope....he didn't see the Kardashian's). He's not sure where he placed because it was a pretty big race. He ran one in Westlake Village a few weeks ago and placed 2nd in his (old man)class.

On another note, on a few select bad hair days in the past, I think I may have wished I didn't have hair. Let this be a lesson....be careful what you wish for. Seriously, though, I really hate messing with my hair, so I'm going to try to enjoy my no maintenance cue ball as much as I can. I'm not convinced yet, but I'm working on it.

I'm headed out to The Ondulando Club Annual Board Meeting here in just a bit. I've served my first year as a board member and have one year to go. The kids really like having a pool, spa, and tennis courts to use and it's right here in the neighborhood. After that, I really, really need to remember to go by the pharmacy to get my meds. Not sure what they are, but I'm supposed to start them first thing tomorrow morning. I'd like to have a little time to research what I'm taking before I start. Need to pick up some biotene mouthwash and toothpaste too. The girls on the discussion boards swear by it to keep the mouth sores at bay. I had my teeth cleaning scheduled for Wednesday, but had to cancel it when my chemo was scheduled that day. I better write all this down, I forget everything these days!

Arthritus? Really? At my age?

Feeling the sleepies setting in......nap time yet? Since the time change last week, Romie and the dogs are getting up between 4:30-5 everyday. I've been trying to stay in bed, but they are all so active.....Romie just about jumps out of his skin within an hour of waking up......he's such a morning boy! The picture I've posted here is Roman playing in the backyard with the dogs this afternoon. What a gorgeous day!

The echo went good this morning. Very crowded waiting room at 7:30 in the morning. Had to sit right under the very loud tv. They called me up, and as I came around the corner to cardiology, my daughter's friend's mom comes right up to me. Turns out she did the echo and everything looks good. Small little town we live in here. Feels like Mayberry alot of the time.

Results are back on the blood tests and chest xray and they all look fine. That pain in my back that got me hopping on all this......looks to be arthritis.....same thing that's in my shoulders and hips. How old am I?

So, I got the call from my doc. They've all met and talked about Mr. Gingerbread Man and decided that chemo first is the way to go because they feel confident that we are dealing with a tumor that is about 6.5 cm. I'll be loading up on prescriptions Monday for side effects and starting my infusions on Wednesday. I guess we'll start with some roids, then move on to Adriamycin and Cytoxan, and to finish it off nicely, Taxotere. Mmmmm, mmmm, mmmmm!

Off to order some hats!

Feelin' Funkilicous!

Feeling a bit funkilicous today. Kept myself distracted this morning working on a short sale. Yup, that kept me busy for most of the morning, gotta love them short sales! I was supposed to meet a pest inspector this afternoon, but I passed that off to the homeowner and crawled back under the covers for the afternoon. Maybe it's just the limboland I find myself in right now, not knowing if I'm going in for an amputation of body parts next week or if I'll be shootin' up a toxic cocktail instead. Hopefully, I'll know more tomorrow afternoon because I'm really excited about the prospects (sarcasm).

Heading over for a 2D Echo for Cardiac Ejection Fraction first thing in the morning......whatever that is. Evidently, this chemo crud can wreak a little havoc on the ole thumper.

Thanks again, everyone, for all your well wishes.....it really does mean alot to me.

Puttin' the Pieces Together

Ever bought a puzzle at a yard sale? I'd advise against this, by the way. So, for a quarter, you take it home and start putting it together and as you find the placement for more and more of the pieces, the picture starts coming together for you. Well, that's how I'm starting to feel about my diagnosis. I'm beginning to understand it alot more. There are still some missing pieces, and I know there will always be missing pieces..........just like that yard sale puzzle that always seems to be missing a few key pieces.

I want to thank my friends (you know who your are....wish I did.....but I have my suspicions)that have arranged for me to have someone come in to clean my house every other week. I am so thrilled about this, and so relieved.......and I don't know what else to say, but, thank you.

I noticed I have a couple of open slots in my schedule over the next few days, so I'm getting on the phone to fill those now with a couple more appointments.....need to strengthen my Posse. Then I'll head over to the hospital to have some blood drawn and get some xrays in preparation for the chemo. Hopefully, I can be home by lunch time and get some real estate work done this afternoon.

Husbands Say the Darndest Things!

It's official, I feel like an old person that's universe revolves around doctor's appointments and lab tests. I met the oncologist today and there's a question about the best treatment....STILL! Since the Mammogram and Ultrasound reports show the tumor at about 3 cm, and the MRI shows it at 6.5 cm, the doctor wants to consult with the surgeon, the radiologist, and the Titty Committee (John coined this one on the way home) which is a group of oncologists that will give their opinion on the best way to move forward. In addition, the surgeon is presenting our infamous Gingerbread Man to the Tumor Board tomorrow - he's getting to be a regular celebrity in these parts! So, on Friday, I will receive a call from the oncologist with a decision on how to move forward. That said, I would say that she was more swayed towards neoadjuvant (chemo first) therapy by the end of the appointment. After examination of the tumor, she could tell that it seemed much larger than 3cm, even though it's hard to determine edges on one side. Once I get that call, we should be able to move forward with treatment quickly, and more than likely receive my first chemo treatment before Thanksgiving.

Something I forgot to share with you that happened last week after my appointment with the surgeon.........John could tell I was a little distant after the appointment and while we were driving he turned to me and asked, "Is there something you want to get off your chest?"

'nuff said!

Chemobabe

I ran across a blog this morning while I was enjoying my morning coffee. So many of the things she writes in this post are so famaliar to me that I wanted to share it with you.

http://www.chemobabe.com/2009/12/%E2%80%9Cshe-went-through-the-treatment-%E2%80%9D/

Enjoy your extra hour today!

Good morning again. Some of you know I'm a bit more of a morning person (but not enough to go spinning at 4:30 in the morning Ronda!), so I expect most of my posts will be in the morning when my brain has lots of energy and the rest of me is getting help from a little morning java! Yesterday brought me some good news. First, a very helpful lady named Cindy called me from the oncologists office with an appointment for Tuesday for my consultation. When I had first talked to their office the day before, she told me it could take up to a week to get a call back about when my appointment would be. I think she could tell that almost made me cry. She then told me that they review the requests as they come in and call back according to need. She assured me she would try to call me the following day to at least give me an update and gave me her direct number in case I wanted to call the next day. Like she promised, she called me the next morning and I was hugely relieved that she already had an appointment scheduled for me. I've already met some very caring, competent people in the past month and I'm very encouraged by that.

In addition, I called for the results on the node biopsy I had earlier in the week and the doc told me it was negative. That's pretty good news. However, that needs to be taken in context, because the needle biopsies are not as accurate, and it was taken from 3 random nodes that were easily accessible. More will need to be explored on this front because the whole area has been swollen for a couple of months now, and the MRI showed that many of the nodes were up to 4x their normal size. That said, either way, it's good news. Even if we do find some spread there later, it should be minimal based on what we see now.

So, the last couple days were a little tough emotionally. I think I let myself hope for a definite resolution when I met with the surgeon, even though my logical mind knew that he was recommending the best path. Of course, after that, fear set in which just sent me in to a bit of spin. But, I've found, in my years on this earth, that facing my fears head on and letting myself "go there" sometimes alleviates them and makes them less scary in the long run. I'm sure I'm going to need a lot more face time with this one before I can thumb my nose at it, but I just logged a little time and now I think I'll try something else for a few days, thank you very much!

John, Roman, Kyla, and I took a drive to Malibu last night because John's brother, Frank, invited us out to dinner. The picture I posted here was the sunset (taken by Kyla) we enjoyed driving in to Malibu. We had dinner at Duke's and Roman was in all his glory with fish and chips, sourdough bread, and a huge desert with pumpkin ice cream, hot fudge and whipped cream.......he had a little tummy ache after all that and fell asleep in my lap on the way home. Thanks, Kyla, for spending a Friday night with your mamma! And, Frank, it was great to see you and catch up and thank you for a wonderful evening!

Can You Say Neoadjuvant?

Good morning. Wow, mornings come fast! So, yesterday, I got to meet my surgeon, Dr. Woodburn. I felt very comfortable with him and he really seems to know his stuff (I did my research and I was listening to make sure he was hitting all the cues and he did...flying colors.....lol). After reviewing everything, we are definitely looking at a mastectomy, but he thinks it would be difficult to get "good margins" (an area of healthy tissue all the way around the removed tumor) because of the size and placement of the tumor. He decided to test me and throw out neoadjuvant therapy as my possible next step. I passed and he was pretty surprised I knew what that was. I always did like being the smarty pants in class - some things never change. Anyway, in short, that means chemotherapy before surgery, oooh yay! So, now I wait again for an appointment with yet another doctor, my oncologist. I am hoping to hear by the end of the day when they can get me in for my consultation.

On another front, there's a possibility I may hear today the outcome of the node biopsy that was done on Wednesday.......unfortunately, my smarty pants ways haven't been helping me score too good on tests (diagnostics) lately. Speaking of test results, I've been thinking alot about how quantitative they seem to be. My mind thinks of numbers as pretty finite, black and white creatures. But, humans are performing these tests and interpreting the results. Humans make mistakes and sometimes something we think of as fact, changes years down the road when something hidden comes to light. Cancer is very unpredictable. The brainiest scientists in the world have been trying to figure it out for many, many years.....and they can't seem to nail it down. There have been many break throughs that have improved the prognosis of many people facing this disease. But, the result of treatment still cannot be predicted on any consistent basis.

So we do the best we can and look for the glimmers of hope.

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma

I had an MRI last week that showed that there is another spot on the other breast and they wanted to check it out by ultrasound. I have Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, or ILC, and this type of breast cancer has a higher incidence of being on the other side too. I went in for the ultrasound today. The doctor found it, but decided that it would be better to do an MRI biopsy on that one and that would have to wait for another day. Instead, she decided to dig around on my axilla nodes - they showed to be enlarged on the MRI. That led to 3 needle biopsies today that will show if our resident gingerbread man is sending out little spawns to ensure his survival. I think this one hurt a bit more than the last biopsy. My forearm even hurts, weird. I have an appointment with the surgeon on Friday, but I got a message this afternoon that he may want to see me tomorrow. Works for me. The sooner the better!

Signing off for tonight....my little bubba gump (Roman) needs mamma to help him fall asleep. Night!