Dog Years!

I was driving my son and his two friends to school this morning.  Like every morning, the 3 of them are in the back seat talking away.  They don't seem to realize that I'm in the front seat listening.  They say the funniest things!  Anyway, this morning they were talking about dog years.  My chemo brain can't remember exactly why there were talking about dog years, but on my 5k run/walk this morning (mostly walk, but don't tell anyone), I couldn't get that whole dog years concept out of my brain.  I came home and signed on to my blog here.  When I ended my Caringbridge site at the end of last year, I had intended on continuing to post here.  But something has been blocking me.  I don't really know why, but I don't feel motivated to write about breast cancer anymore.  I think about breast cancer often.  I talk about it often enough.  It's still part of my life, but Beatin' BC in the VC just wasn't buttering my toast!  But Livin' Life in Dog Years?  Now that's something I might be able to wag about.  I'd still like to write about Breast Cancer sometimes.  I'm still learning so much, and I'd love to share some of what I've learned.  I'm still experiencing the Breast Cancer on so many levels.  Maybe I'll share that too.  BUT, there's some tail waggin' going on that doesn't have a darn thing to do with Breast Cancer.  Or maybe it has everything to do with Breast Cancer.  Maybe having this wicked disease has taught me a little something.  I admit, every now and then, I am totally surprised by a moment, and how it makes me feel.  Sometimes it makes me smile, other times it makes me cry.   Either way, it feels good!  It feels good to be noticing how beautiful and joyous this life can be.  Now, that might be fun to write about.  So, let's take this one for a walk around the block and see how it goes.  You'll let me know how it's going, right?

Go Giants!

I miss writing. I think about coming here often, but there never seems to be time.....or, if there is time, I'm too wiped out to think straight. Work is fine. Actually, it's a bit brutal right now, but I'm surviving. The kids are good. All normal stuff. Roman woke up at 4 in the morning the night before last crying and barking like a seal. He's been home sick the last couple of days. Jesse just got home from his orthodontist appointment, bursting at the seems with energy......and of course, starving. Kyla got home from school about an hour ago. She's going to Santa Barbara City College this semester. She just left for her part time job downtown. John and I just celebrated our anniversary last night. We went to a baseball game with some very good friends. AWESOME seats, Sam! We sat directly behind home base. I had never been so close! As many of you might remember, I was diagnosed with cancer last October. While all the yuck was happening, my favorite team, the Giants, kept winning. Those playoff games, and the World Series got me through one of the toughest months of my life. Anyway, the Giants won last night........AND, I got to see Brian Wilson - The Beard, pitch the last inning from The Stadium Club while sipping on a cosmopolitan.

On other fronts, I'm still on the Ondulando Club Board facing a tough re-election campaign this November (sarcasm). Seriously, I think I'll do another year or two, if they'll have me. I was also approached to co-chair Poinsettia Elementary's Carenetwork. We help Poinsettia families in need and I got the opportunity to organize meals for a family in need just today. When I was asked about this, I was a little worried about being spread too thin, but this was too close to my heart to say no. I was also asked if I would be interested in being involved in the Gold Dust Gala this next spring. This is an annual fundraiser that funds the Healthy Women's Program here in Ventura. They provide breast and cervical cancer screening, as well as treatment, for local women. This program helped me with my diagnosis, as well as surgery. I'm so grateful that a program like this exists in our community and I want to do my part to make sure this service continues to exist.

Health, hmmmmm. Things are ok. I'm getting some of my energy back. My hair is growing, although, the gray coming in got to a tipping point when I was asked if I qualified for the senior network discount. Thanks to Celeste, I now have brown hair again! I got a call this week to let me know my oophorectomy was approved. They wanted to schedule the surgery for the middle of October, but I'm not quite ready.....so I asked them to find me a date in November. I haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure I will. I still have follow up appointments multiple times each week. Sometimes I get irritated by all of it and cancel everything. I've had to start wearing a compression sleeve for swelling in my arm. It's called lymphoedema. Since so many of my nodes were removed, and the rest got radiated, Hiroshima style, fluid builds up in the arm and chest area and needs help moving on. I've also had to see a lymphoedema therapist. Tamoxifin is going ok. It seems to be intensifying those dreaded menopause symptoms. Oh well, what's a hot flash here and there between friends, right?

Ok, can't make Jesse wait any longer for dinner, he's starting to melt down. Just a reminder.......enjoy the moment you have right now!

I Lava You!

So, tonight it was just Romie and I. The kids were all off doing their thing and John went to play poker. Roman really wanted some nachos so him and I went over to Sharky's. I really like that they use fresh, organic whenever possible, although, I doubt Roman's chips were organic... Whateva! Anyway, Roman always has a TON of questions about everything under the sun. I had answered quite a few of his thoughtful questions when he asked me, "Is love real?" I thought about it for a nano second and then answered him that, of course it's real and gave him a few examples. He listened and then he said, "Mom, I said LAVA!" And that's my tender, mother son story.
I haven't been writing as much. I've decided that real estate sucks all the creative energy out of me leaving me to become one with the sofa while watching HGTV makeovers and wishing I had the energy to vacuum the floor, let alone paint the walls! I haven't been cooking as much either, as evidenced by the Sharky's run tonight. Cooking is another creative outlet that has fallen victim to short appraisals and long request for repair lists. Gardening. I dig dirt. I haven't been out to the garden in at least a couple of months.
So, in my quest to shake the Etcha Sketch, I've got to find a better balance so I can enjoy some of the things that make me feel good. I'm working on it. I've got some ideas, they are just taking some time to implement. On the subject of ideas, quite a few of you have heard about my goal to own a bait shop in Montana (how much stress can there be in selling worms to fisherman - really!). Anyway, I've decided that I don't really like worms and I'm a morning person, but I'd have to get up even earlier than I like. So, now my goal is to become Camp Host. Whatcha think 'bout that?!
Thank you to everyone that continues to show me the LAVA! Just this past week I ran into a friend when I stopped off to pick up a few things for the boys to start school. She was paying ahead of me with a gift card and didn't use the whole thing. She told the cashier to put the remainder of it on my tab. She knows who she is and that made my day. I opened a letter the other day and there was a check from one of my fellow agents in town with a note saying, "You're getting stronger!" It made me cry.....in a good way. What an incredibly nice thing to do without being asked. I am so lucky. I'm lucky to have so many wonderful, caring friends and family. Mostly, I'm lucky that I was in a position to discover how many wonderful people I'm surrounded by. Life is so busy every day that we don't always take the time to tell those around us how much their LAVA'd!!

Shake It Up Baby!

Ever feel like shaking the Etch A Sketch really hard? I've used this metaphor before to describe my nonexistent memory on so many matters, but I'm using it a little different right now. I attended a going away party at the Ondulando Club this afternoon for Mary, a long standing board member. She and her family are moving to a little town with 7000 people in another state. I think I might be a little envious. Don't get me wrong, I love my community, particularly the wonderful friends I have here. I'm overwhelmed with emotion when I think of how many wonderful friends I've made. But, the life we have here takes so much out of us. I won't beat around the bush - it costs too darn much! I feel like I've fallen victim to living to work and that's not how it should be. We should be working to live. I've always worked hard and I'm sure I will continue to work hard because its such a big part of who I am. But there's so much more and I find myself too tired at the end of a hectic work day to enjoy much of anything. Let alone that one day a week when I'm not working, but there's so many things that I couldn't do during the week that I cram them all in so I can get back to working my butt off the next day. Incredibly, the butt doesn't get small....weird phenomenon, but I'm getting off track here. Inevitably, our ultra connected life bites us in that same over worked butt if we take an afternoon away from cell phones and email to enjoy ourselves. When we return there's some emergency that you missed and now you feel like a pile of dog doodies that you didn't answer your phone or check your email. Yikes!
Am I ignoring a big life lesson by returning to the same life I had before I got sick?
If you're reading this, you are a big part of why I feel this way. For the first time in my life, I let go and let you, and family, and friends take care of me and my family. You taught me a big lesson. I never thought anyone could do better than I could, but you did a really, really good job. So, I'm left thinking that maybe I'm ignoring the lesson. I've always been an over achiever in the classroom, but it feels like I'm answering the questions to the wrong test. Do I have the courage to sit down and answer the questions to the right test? Do I need to grow some? Will I let this opportunity pass me by.....will I let my children see this lesson? Or will they have to learn the hard way too?
So, I'll be picking up a bottle of Tamoxifen and popping pills in the next day or two. I'm hoping that the side effects are gentle on me. I really don't have time in this life I've made for myself to deal with insomnia, bloating, achy joints, uterine cancer, stroke, cataracts, or blood clots.
I will also be heading in for a bone scan in about a week, as well as scheduling an oophorectomy. We'll use oophorectomy as the word of the day and I'll let you Google that one. Anyway, I'll be getting this oophorectomy so I can go off the Tamoxifen and on to a different class of drugs called Aromatase Inhibitors. Studies show they are giving better outcomes for disease free survival. Boy that was a sentence I never thought I'd utter!
I made some salsa for the party this afternoon and a few people asked for the recipe. I learned how to make salsa years ago. Thank you Anna. I've modified it just a little. Anna likes her salsa just a bit spicier than I do! So, here goes.
In a food processor (I use a small one) put 1/2 of a medium onion, 1 carrot (old fashion long carrot....if you use the the babies, you'll need more), 1-2 jalapenos - seeds removed. Pulse the processor to chop everything up, then add a big handful of fresh cilantro and a can of organic tomatoes. Pulse again to finish chopping it up and salt to taste.
I keep a big jar of jalapenos in the fridge so I don't have to go to the store every time I want to make salsa, but fresh works great too. The carrot adds a little crunch and a little sweetness to the salsa.
Happy Sunday everyone!

You Talkin' Ta Me?

I'm too exhausted to get off the couch right now, so thank goodness for portable devices. So.....

chemo, check
surgery, check
more chemo, double check
radiation, check!!!!!!!

Yup, radiation is done, dangit! I've still got some treatment hurdles to go, but I'm done with the big guns!

These past 9 months have been a marathon. I wanted to give up and walk away more times than I can admit. But, the promise of more days to hang out with my family and party with my friends kept me going back for more. Thank you for helping me through this......and, yes, I'm talkin' ta you!

It Could Happen to You

I was reading on my iPad this morning, as I do every morning with a cup of coffee. I came across this speech in a blog and it struck a nerve and I thought I'd share it with you

Robert A. Heinlein wrote these words in 1952 and delivered them to a national radio audience.

"I am not going to talk about religious beliefs, but about matters so obvious that it has gone out of style to mention them."

"I believe in my neighbors."

"I know their faults and I know that their virtues far outweigh their faults. Take Father Michael down our road a piece --I'm not of his creed, but I know the goodness and charity and lovingkindness that shine in his daily actions. I believe in Father Mike; if I'm in trouble, I'll go to him. My next-door neighbor is a veterinary doctor. Doc will get out of bed after a hard day to help a stray cat. No fee -- no prospect of a fee. I believe in Doc."

"I believe in my townspeople. You can knock on any door in our town say, 'I'm hungry,' and you will be fed. Our town is no exception; I've found the same ready charity everywhere. For the one who says, 'To heck with you -- I got mine,' there are a hundred, a thousand, who will say, 'Sure, pal, sit down.'
"I know that, despite all warnings against hitchhikers, I can step to the highway, thumb for a ride and in a few minutes a car or a truck will stop and someone will say, 'Climb in, Mac. How how far you going?'
"I believe in my fellow citizens. Our headlines are splashed with crime, yet for every criminal there are 10,000 honest decent kindly men. If it were not so, no child would live to grow up, business could not go on from day to day. Decency is not news; it is buried in the obituaries --but it is a force stronger than crime."
"I believe in the patient gallantry of nurses...in the tedious sacrifices of teachers. I believe in the unseen and unending fight against desperate odds that goes on quietly in almost every home in the land."
"I believe in the honest craft of workmen. Take a look around you. There never were enough bosses to check up on all that work. From Independence Hall to the Grand Coulee Dam, these things were built level and square by craftsmen who were honest in their bones."
"I believe that almost all politicians are honest. For every bribed alderman there are hundreds of politicians, low paid or not paid at all, doing their level best without thanks or glory to make our system work. If this were not true, we would never have gotten past the thirteen colonies."
"I believe in Rodger Young. You and I are free today because of endless unnamed heroes from Valley Forge to the Yalu River."
"I believe in -- I am proud to belong to -- the United States. Despite shortcomings, from lynchings to bad faith in high places, our nation has had the most decent and kindly internal practices and foreign policies to be found anywhere in history."
"And finally, I believe in my whole race. Yellow, white, black, red, brown --in the honesty, courage, intelligence, durability....and goodness.....of the overwhelming majority of my brothers and sisters everywhere on this planet. I am proud to be a human being. I believe that we have come this far by the skin of our teeth, that we always make it just by the skin of our teeth --but that we will always make it....survive....endure. I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency."
"This I believe with all my heart."


I made the boys an omelet, and as I was eating mine. I turned on the tv and started surfing and settled on an old movie from the '90's (yes, movies from the 90's are old now). It's called It Could Happen to You. Nick Cage and Bridget Fonda star and they play a cop and a waitress. Cage's character doesn't have enough money for a tip and promises Fonda's character that if he wins the lottery he'll split it with her......and he wins. Cage's wife leaves him when she finds out about the waitress and sues him for all of the winnings. The media is only after a sensational story and doesn't see the the true character of the people involved. One reporter finally writes the real story and the people of New York respond by sending money to help the cop and waitress back on their feet. The story has been done before.....It's a Wonderful Life, but it's still a nice story.
I will be finishing with my radiation treatments this next week. Thank you to my wonderful family, friends, and community for helping me through the past 9 months......I find myself knowing It Could Happen to Me and it really Is a Wonderful Life.

Hopeful

I've been busy the last couple of weeks! I've been concentrating on getting business moving again and it's surely keeping me busy. I've been doing very good at keeping myself away from the negative news, for the most part. Of course, this morning I turned on the national news for about 5 minutes and it got my wheels turning (wheels turning might not be exactly what it did, but we'll go with that). On the good side, it looks like the shuttle launch might actually happen. There's something about the space program that brings out the patriotism in most of us. Then, that news was followed by our President talking about unemployment ticking up again. There are so many hard working people out there hurting right now, wondering how they will be able to put food in their pantries and have a roof over their heads. Americans aren't worried about the luxuries right now. So many are resolved to just have the basics. Our President is effective in relaying the feelings of so many Americans in his speeches, and I really think he cares. But talking about the millions of unemployed construction workers and how to best put them back to work really gets me going. He is proposing putting them back to work on infrastructure. In other words, more government payroll. Aren't we broke? Wouldn't it be better to address the millions of illegals working in the construction industry taking jobs from Americans? Wouldn't addressing the housing problem lead to more private sector construction? I don't have the answers, but continuing to go in this direction has not lead us out of the biggest downturn most of us have experienced in our lifetime. I know we all have different political views, and that's what makes our nation so great, but continuing to stay quiet just to be politically correct isn't working for any of us. I'm hoping that some very smart men and women are having a brain storming session right now, throwing out ideas, thinking outside the box, about how best to address this economy.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now, whatever a soapbox is. I started back on radiation on Tuesday after 12 days off. I starting feeling much better last Friday and had a great holiday weekend. We went to Big Bear Lake and stayed with our friends Steve and Cindy in their new vacation home. We had a great time, thank you VW's! Well, except for the ride up and the ride back. We took the hybrid to save on gas and that meant 3 boys in the back seat. They were in rare (irritating) form and the 50 year old boy in the front thought it was too much fun and joined in. I'm hitching a ride from someone else next time!
My new friend Cassandra asked for my quiche recipe and I really never had one. I like to color outside the lines and following an exact recipe is VERY hard for me. That's probably why I would never be a good master baker ;-) Ok, here it is:

Hopeful Quiche
Ingredients 2 Frozen Deep Dish Pie Crust
1 lb Bacon cut into small pieces
7 Large Eggs
2 Cups Half and Half
1/2 teaspoon sea salt (regular is fine if that's what you have)
1/2 teaspoon ground white pepper (black is fine too)
Pinch crushed red pepper
1 1/2 cup grated Gruyere (or whatever kind of cheese you like)
1/2 large onion diced in small pieces
2 big handfuls of fresh spinach cut in small pieces (frozen is fine)


Directions
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Slit the bottom of the pie crusts with a knife (4-5 times) and bake for about 10 minutes till lightly brown. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack. Leave the oven on.

In a medium skillet, cook the bacon until crisp and the fat is rendered. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.

In a skillet with a little olive oil, cook the onions on medium heat until tender. Add the spinach and cook for about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

Arrange the bacon evenly over the bottom of the baked crust.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs and half and half. Add the remaining ingredients, including cooled onion, spinach, and cheese and whisk to combine. Pour into the prepared crust and bake until the custard is golden, puffed, and set yet still slightly wiggly in the center, 30 to 35 minutes.

Remove from the oven and let cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes before serving. (I don't know why I put this here...we never wait).
EAT!